I'm Here.

I just had a conversation about this sort of thing with Peter in regards to my parents and never feeling human around them because they literally refuse to empathize or validate their kids’ feelings — they will throw a million unsolicited suggestions or “solutions” our way, they’ll even quip, “you’ve just gotta get over it, move on…” but never hit it at the heart of matters, which is simply being like, “fuck, that really does suck. I’m sorry you’re hurting.” or further, “…and I know you’ll get past it, but in the meantime, I’m here to vent.”

It’s like instant sunshine and rainbows when loved ones do this, and it’s so easy, but whether it’s cultural or generational or just a decision they made in regards to emotional boundaries with their kids, my parents would sooner write a novel of suggestions than drop a simple one-liner acknowledgment of feelings.

And the thing is, yes, people sort things out; boo-boos heal over time, we get over it and out of situations or out from under storm clouds on our own ALL THE TIME… or we die, whatever. But while we’re here, being humans, I find it so, SO important to connect through empathy rather than to be / be faced with a wall of suggestions.

I used to have the tendency to do what my parents did when friends were bummed but learned that it isn’t what works for the kinds of people I respect or want to connect with nor for the kind of respect or connections I want.

Acknowledge feelings, then find out whether and how they’d like you to help.